5 Steps to loving Yourself

Self love

What does that truly look like in today’s world? Is it posting a million selfies on Instagram or is it deeper than that? How do we get to the place where we genuinely love and accept who we are?

Growing up I had a lot of confidence. Being in a wheelchair didn’t stop me from loving myself and a lot of that had to do with my mother. She’d regularly tell me how beautiful I am. I would ask her why people always stared at me and she’d say, “because they had never seen anyone as beautiful as you.” Needless to say, that did good things to my confidence levels. It wasn’t until I was a young adult that my self love and self worth were starting to fall flat. I was in a relationship where the man had cheated on me constantly and left me for another woman. That left me feeling worthless. I lost all confidence in myself so that led me down a path of self destruction. I got to a point to where my self worth was based on what others thought of me, especially men. I needed to get to that place where I loved myself so much that the actions of another would never effect my self esteem again. Enough was enough for me. No more letting the amount of likes I get validate how I feel about myself. No more letting men or people in general control how I feel about myself.

It was a year long journey for me to get to a place of acceptance and pure love for myself. These are the steps I took to get there.

1. Eliminate all toxicity’s

There are a wide range of things that can stand in your way or potentially hold you back from getting to that place of self love and acceptance. This can range from things kept from old relationships or things from your past in general kept as reminders of the person you don’t want to be anymore, to people who bring you down. I used to have a friend who would make it a point to build me up as much as they could because they knew that at any moment they had the power to tear me down. I gave them that power. How do we go about taking that power back? Distance. You have got to make it an effort to distance yourself from those people for the sake of your mental health.

2. Find what truly brings you joy

What are the things that make YOU happy? Not the things that people expect you to do but the things that you really enjoy. Do you like to sing but someone told you to stop singing because you’re not good, but singing makes you feel good? Sing anyway! Sing like no one is listening. That’s another way for you to take back that power, do the things that people tell you you can’t, as long as what you’re doing isn’t hurting you or anyone else. There are plenty things people tell me I can’t do due to the simple fact that I’m in a wheelchair.

3. Discover or rediscover your relationship with God

When I hit my rock bottom, I had reached the end of the road to self destruction and I was about to explode. I grew up christian with christian-like values but somewhere along the way I lost it. I wasn’t as close to God as I once was. When I had my first serious relationship I was with a guy who considered himself atheist. I thought, well maybe I can bring him closer to God but the truth of the matter was I was being brought further from the Lord and by the end of our relationship the last place I was looking was up. This relationship was the one that broke me, leaving me feeling hopeless. By the end of my journey to self destruction I got to a place to where I was crying on my kitchen floor for God to take the wheel of my life. I asked God to put someone in my life to teach me how to love myself again and he did. My husband.

4. List the things that you love about yourself

When you finally get to that place where you know that you love yourself, figure out and write down why you love yourself. Think about the things that make you, you. I discovered that some of the things some may not like about me, I love about me! For example, I’m a very forgiving person. I hate holding grudges because it’s exhausting and not healthy. I love that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I love that I sympathize with people easily. These are just the main things but I have so much more.

5. Know who you are

Often times we let people tell us who we are and we believe them but often times the people others say we are, we really aren’t. You know exactly what it is that makes you, you. No one can tell you who you are, you’re the only one who can make that call.

Be confident in the truth of who you are and embrace it! You are beautiful and you are necessary and vital.

Now say it with me, I love me!